Relationships

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Married Sex – A fairytale in three parts

Married Sex – A fairytale in three parts

***Warning – this post may ruin your best friend threesome fantasy*** Part One: Once Upon a Time Once upon a time, relationship experts encouraged long-term couples to ‘share everything’, from a strand of spaghetti to the grizzly details of the monthly cycle. This constant sharing, this living in each other’s pockets, […]

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‘Nobody buys flowers for the porn-pile girl’

‘Nobody buys flowers for the porn-pile girl’

Rhonda Perky discovers what it means to be a Modern ‘Slut’ ‘Men want women to be sluts and now they’re buying in,’ — Professor Gail Dines, quoted in the Brisbane Times. Until a few years ago, my sexual experience was about as vanilla as you can get (you might remember my earlier […]

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Condoms kill my erection

Condoms kill my erection

Dear Rhonda, Recently divorced, I find myself back in the dating world and having to use condoms for the first time in a long time. The problem is, every time we get started and the condom goes on, I lose my erection. Just pausing to put the condom on seems […]

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How do I tell my boyfriend I want an open relationship?

How do I tell my boyfriend I want an open relationship?

Dear Rhonda, I enjoyed your posting, and found it because I’m also struggling with monogamy and talking to my partner about it. I’m worried that maybe I’m unable to commit to a long term relationship, because of my ‘wandering eye’ and my intense attraction to others, but I can’t just […]

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Breaking up is hard to do

Breaking up is hard to do

As a Melbournian I find myself in a difficult position. I need to break up with my city. Yesterday it became apparent to me that I am clinging to my relationship with Melbourne’s inner city. Yesterday it became apparent that I had a relationship with my city. And today I […]

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Why I struggle to give unbiased relationship advice

Why I struggle to give unbiased relationship advice

Once upon a time I believed marriage should be forever. Unless one partner was mistreating the other, a couple should try to work at their relationship. Rough patches are normal, and couples can expect to fall in and out of love. This is all part of the natural wear and […]

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One plus one equals three?

One plus one equals three?

A (non)monogamous memoir When I met my now husband, let’s call him Jack, I was nineteen years old and completely confused about my sexuality. I was straight, lesbian, bi. At times, I wondered, even asexual. Bingeing on a literary diet of Anais Nin’s journals, I dreamed of a life where […]

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Blurred Lines – what is cheating to you?

Blurred Lines – what is cheating to you?

‘I was okay with him having sex with her — that’s just physical. What hurt was he found a new best friend, and that’s supposed to be me.’ Many years ago a close friend said this to me when she found her husband of fifteen years at another woman’s home, […]

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The space equation

The space equation

Negotiating time with — and without — your partner Over the years I have watched couples struggle to find a balance between the time they spend with their partners and all their other commitments. I hear stories of significant others who spend entire weeks playing computer games, and partners who never […]

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‘…to the exclusion of all others’

‘…to the exclusion of all others’

What monogamy really asks of our long-term partners and ourselves Many of us grew up with the romantic ‘happily ever after’ notion that if we truly love someone, monogamy comes naturally. That if we feel attracted to or seek intimacy with someone other than our life partner, this reflects underlying […]

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