Ever wondered what it’s like inside a BDSM and fetish club?
Until last month, I had never set foot in a BDSM club. I wanted to for a long time, but never quite got around to it. I had a mental image of what it would be like, mostly dark, hazy, filled with out-there hard-core kinksters who would look right through me, judging. I imagined a nightclub vibe, but with scenes of consensual violence in corners where I wasn’t welcome. Still I was curious, so on my last trip home I donned a black mini dress, fishnets and CFM boots to find out.
The club I attended hosts a number of different kink and BDSM themed nights, some for beginners; others for more advanced kinksters with separate members-only areas. The night I attended was a BDSM-themed social night, where everyone mingled together downstairs. Kinky couple “Andrew” and “Laila,” friends of mine who have been to the club a few times before, offered to take me with them.
Andrew and Laila had shared some of their stories with me, so I had some idea of what to expect. On their first night at the club, the owner gave them a tour and talked them through some house rules, which put them more at ease. That night also had a separate members section, which they weren’t allowed in.
Their second night was more open, and Andrew described watching couples and groups get up to kink. “We saw a mixture of erotic, sexy, filthy, and hilarious.” A couple of people approached them over the night, but they were initially a bit embarrassed, feeling put on the spot. “At one point, a random foot fetishist appeared at Laila’s feet and we nearly tripped over him. We felt a bit bad because we accidentally rebuffed him,” Andrew said. “We watched some people who’d just met split off and interact with each other, which was a bit surreal. A young attractive girl and guy were playing when another young attractive girl came up and asked to be involved. Then the two women retreated to another room to have sex, and he asked if he could come along, which is exactly how consent and permissions should work, but it was kind of weird to see him have to say, ‘Um, can I come watch you fuck my girlfriend?’”
Andrew told me he and Laila had played in the club later in the night. “It was exciting, but small in the scheme of things; we’re still finding our feet… It was pretty confronting (in a good way) to watch people spanked, flogged, teased, dominated and fucked. It’s tame compared to things we consume on the Internet, but pretty amazing in real life. We came away with lots of stories, including trying to retrieve a bag from underneath a four-way orgy!”
***
The night we went was a bit tamer. The crowd were very friendly. No one appeared to be judging. If anything, they were curious, like me. Many of the guests knew each other and spent time talking and catching up. There was no sex at this event, but plenty of Dom/sub play, some of which got a little explicit. Andrew summed it up nicely: “[Compared to other events at the club] there was a lot of Master/slave play, from active play in front of people, to collared people being led around and toyed with. There was also more cross-dressing and transsexual presence. There were displays of whipping, bondage, suspension, domination, and other performance-type stuff. There was some intense punishment (spanking and flogging), needle play (taken very seriously, given as a showcase off to one side), rope bondage play and other demonstrations. There was some pole work and people lying down on the ground all night for people to come past and walk on. There was a big hot tub out the back, which was more of a relaxed interaction area for people to strike up conversation.”
The operators had fitted the venue out with various props and paraphernalia, which Andrew termed “a bit student theatre.” The bar and music were as I expected, but the lighting was more welcoming. Some rooms were brighter, and there were secluded pockets, but largely the space was open for guests to watch, mingle, and explore.
From what Laila and Andrew described, I expected the crowd to be relatively young and good-looking. “I think we were both kind of surprised how many attractive, fit, healthy people were there, and not like in the porn world, but wall-to-wall real bodies,” Andrew said. Laila added it felt great for her self-esteem to see other women’s boobs and butts in person. “In this age of airbrushed everything, it’s so reassuring,” she said. “You realise that what you hear men saying all the time is true—that body size, shape, cellulite and stretch marks don’t detract from a person’s sexiness one bit.”
Laila was right. I often feel awkward and out of place around people who wear their clothes with confidence, but that night, even though my outfit was relatively modest, I didn’t feel self-conscious at all. Laila was dressed more appropriately in a corset, lace knickers, stockings, and incredible stripper heels. Many of the women around us were semi- or completely naked, with bodies of varying types. Likewise, the men were in various stages of undress, from completely nude to suited-up. I didn’t feel out of place or like a piece of meat. No one was really trying to hit on each other; everyone was there to enjoy the night and appreciate one another’s BDSM side.
Laila felt the club had a level of respect you don’t come across in a run-of-the mill night club. “I’ve never been a fan of ‘normal’ clubs, where you are likely to get groped and leered at by strangers in a way that makes your skin crawl,” she said. “At this club, even walking around in next to nothing, I felt quite comfortable. Of course, people looked at me; I’d be a little offended if they averted their eyes. However, when people looked it was with a level of appreciation that, if anything, made me feel good about myself; not sleazed on.”
She added that you could walk through the crowd, go to the bathroom by yourself, and know you wouldn’t be groped or hit on by a drunken stranger. “That’s another point of difference,” she said, “While there certainly is drinking, it’s not to the same level as a night club, more just people relaxing. No one is there getting sloshed and unbearable.”
***
Early on in the night, a host introduced himself and asked if we would like to join a small demonstration. He used various tools to create sensations, including erotic electrostimulation play gear, on him and crowd volunteers. I experienced a single (mild) zap, but Andrew and Laila got more involved. After that, we wandered around, had a few drinks, chatted, and observed.
In one corner, a shirtless man in leather pants enjoyed an intimate rope session with his naked female “bunny.” I had never seen rope bondage in progress; it was surprisingly intricate and time-consuming. I watched the man secure his partner to a hook suspended from the ceiling. Her wrists were tied behind her back as he curled the rope above and beneath her breasts, working his way down toward her legs. Between each knot, he paused to kiss and caress her, their erotic energy building slowly.
In a nook by the entrance, a clothed man tethered his semi-naked play partner so that when she tried to lower her wrists, the tether cut in between her labia. Once secured, he used various implements to whip and flog her. She kept pulling her wrists down reflexively, only to have to raise them again when the tether cut in. Later, we saw the couple curled up together, blissed out, their post-scene intimacy palpable.
We met a live (trans) mannequin, posing on a stand in a scarlet frock with silk stockings, sensible heels, and a string of pearls around her neck. Beside her was a sign inviting people to touch and stroke her (“no penetration, please!”). The sign advised she could be switched “on” and “off” by touching the inside of her wrists. I stroked the inside of her arms and then we switched her “on” and spent time chatting. She told us no one ever touched her legs, and that she liked my touch, so I made sure to stroke her stockinged calves and thighs before departing.
In another room, we saw a man flog and paddle his partner’s bare buttocks and thighs. She was face down on what looked like a vaulting apparatus constructed for the purpose. There was less sensuality in this scene, and though it seemed to be what the couple enjoyed, I found it difficult to watch.
Later in the same room, I saw a group scene that was the highlight for me. The group had secured a naked woman to a metal ring above her head. A team of men and women took turns to stroke, whip, flog, caress, and torture her. Between moments of pain were moments of tenderness, intimacy and sensuousness. Her Master kept checking in, offering kisses, caresses, whispering and gaining her consent. Each time he went a little harder, and then pulled back, before pushing still more, testing her limits.
The bliss of her pain, of her surrender, was evident in her entire body, what kinksters call being “in the zone.” While I have experienced this as a submissive, I had never seen it from the outside, never realised how beautiful, potent, and satisfying it could appear. For the first time I felt the vicarious thrill of being a Master who could provide such an experience for someone else, to have that control and feel their submission. I wondered if I might one day try out my Dominant side.
Though the group were playing in a public space, at times I felt I was intruding on a deeply personal moment, and had to keep reminding myself that the audience was part of the scene, voyeurs for the exhibitionists who choose to play there. Andrew articulated the tension perfectly: “You’re naturally shy when you’re three feet away from people being incredibly intimate and kinky. You’re allowed to watch. You’re supposed to watch. But when you first see it you kind of can’t help but feel like you should look away when someone glances your way.”
Andrew and Laila also found it awkward at times as a couple trying to share voyeuristic moments, while navigating the social dynamics of people who might be more inclined to interact. “The rooms at the venue aren’t huge, and much of it involves sitting down to watch things that are going on, spanking, game playing, sex, and so on. That means often you’re a whole group of people sitting shoulder to shoulder around something intimate. You kind of public-transport it a bit and ignore the people sitting two inches beside you,” Andrew said, though he and Laila came across the odd person who wanted to chat during a private moment. It’s a delicate balance between being friendly and not wanting to intrude. The night I went, for instance, I ducked out early so Andrew and Laila had some time alone without me tagging along.
***
Andrew and Laila are still finding their way in the kink scene. “We’ve played in the space now, seen what goes on, and we’re talking about the specifics of things we want to get in and try. All the nights have different themes and we’re sussing out what’s right for us,” Andrew said. “I really feel part of it now, rather than just kinky in my own right. I feel like we’ve ‘arrived’.”
I left the club with a renewed desire to get back in touch with my kinky side and plan to go again when I’m next in town. As much as I loved my night there, it left me nostalgic for my old D/s life, knowing my current partner isn’t into BDSM and I’m not sure when I’ll have that again. Meanwhile, I hope to get in touch with kinky locals up north, and maybe try some things out at home, see if I can’t entice my man to discover his inner kink, too.
