Dear Rhonda,
What is the difference between BDSM, D/s and S&M?
–Curious
Dear Curious,
Dominance and submission (D/s) or (Dom/sub) and Sadism and Masochism (S&M) along with Bondage and Discipline (B&D) fall under the broad banner of ‘BDSM’, but they all are quite distinct.
S&M is about deriving sexual pleasure from pain, where the Sadist inflicts pain upon the Masochist (what I would consider ‘sensation play’, the sensation being pain), while B&D is play that involves physical or psychological restraints or punishment. D/s refers to psychological power-play, where the Dominant partner controls or has power over the submissive. People can assume the Dom/sub roles during other types of play, but they can also be reversed, for instance the Sadist acting on the Masochist’s instruction, who in that instance would be considered the Dom. A ‘Switch’ is someone who changes roles depending on the situation/partner(s). All three can involve role play, costumes and props to varying degrees, or none at all.
Wikipedia actually has a pretty good entry on BDSM while you can find descriptions of pretty much every BDSM act and kink imaginable on Fetlife (which is like Facebook for kinksters).
A lot of people lump various categories of BDSM together, so if it’s something you’re looking to try with a new partner, be really clear on what you mean and what you hope to get out of the encounter. In all cases, even (sometimes especially) for psychological play, use a safe word (a word or action that signals you need your partner to pull back), and keep your communication open.
Most of all, have fun!
–RP
