You won’t believe what happens when you read this click-bait list article!

In recent times, we have seen the rise of the listicle, the numbered list of random things. It is a blight upon humanity, and here are 5 excellent reasons why!

1. They have replaced articles in most publications

Few publications have actual content anymore. Sure, in the modern world, neither the listicle nor the article actually has substance, yet the word listicle seems to mock its very readers. Except me, I’m not mocking you.

2. It sounds like testicle

This isn’t bad in and of itself, I think testicles are great. However, if we start associating them with ugly words such as listicle, we are only going to diminish their appeal over time.

3. Writers suffer

The boss simply sees lists as lures for hoards of click-happy number-drawn internet users. ‘More bullet points!’ she shouts from her cosy office, as I mutter expletives under my breath.

Unless the writer is a seventh grader penning a list on his or her arm, writing lists will cause physical pain throughout the ordeal.

4. They cause deaths

There is so much pressure for the writer to meet this arbitrary number of things the authorities have forced upon them. Yet writers are not paid enough, which just increases pressure on home life, until someone cracks and turns homicidal. Yes, listicles cause deaths.

5. People believe that shit

It shouldn’t be the writer’s responsibility if people don’t research and think about what they have just read, and instead simply take their bollocks on board and regurgitate it to their friends (who don’t read road signs, let alone lists of things). However, when someone reads 172 things to do during sex and performs all of them at the same time, writers should feel a little remorse for the end result.

Come on, 12 now, it was 5 earlier?!

6. If the information wasn’t presented in 12 short sentences over 12 pages with stock images

7. Maybe readers would think about what they read.

8. But I doubt it

9. For if that were the case

10. The rise of the listicle would never have happened

11. And you wouldn’t be reading this

12. Assuming you even got this far.

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