Dear Rhonda,

Recently I discovered that an acquaintance of mine was a little bit psycho… okay maybe a lot… maybe a bit Single White Female.

That’s fine and we have parted ways but I want to know if it’s okay for me to be completely childish and stalk her on social networks so I can point and laugh and be bitchy?┬áJust sometimes! Like when I’m home bored, or a bit drunk and stoned.

From a really mature adult with their shit together ;p

–An Adult

Dear An Adult,

When relations with a friend or a partner break down in this way, it is perfectly natural to go through a period of re-adjustment that can include this type of ‘bitchiness’. In a way it provides a kind of catharsis. You are venting your frustrations, and maybe your hurt, too.

Something to be careful of, particularly when under the influence, is that you don’t start attacking this person in public, in a way that you might regret the morning after, or in a way that reflects badly on you.

If you have unresolved anger, you need to find a healthy way to address it, whether directly (and ‘off-line’) to that person, or if that isn’t possible (say that person isn’t willing to engage in an adult discussion) try writing out your feelings. If it helps, compose a letter or an email to that person expressing how you feel. Once you’re done, set the letter aside for a day or two until you can come back to it with a fresh (and hopefully calmer) perspective. Then you can decide whether it is something you still want to send (perhaps with some changes) or whether the writing process alone has helped you vent. Sometimes it can help to send it to a sympathetic friend instead who can help you feel heard and understood.

There is a point where it becomes unhealthy to continue to ‘stalk’ a person’s social media. You’ll recognise this point because instead of providing a sense of release, your stalking incites anger and frustration. If this happens, it’s time to let go — block that person from your view if you find it difficult to stop — and focus on living your own life, free from the ‘psycho’.

Best of luck!

–RP

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