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Not my circus, not my monkeys

Rhonda reflects on the many ways she has taken on responsibility that never belonged to her.

I’m not okay with my bf’s past and sexual interests – should I leave him?

Rhonda answers the question: ‘I’m not okay with my bf’s past and sexual interests – should I leave him?’

My sex life

Rhonda reflects on the role sex plays in life (or doesn’t) and the struggles many women face (re)connecting with their sex life.

On consent: pushing past ‘no’ isn’t a victory

Rhonda explores the nuances of consent and what happens when we are socialised to defer to the needs of others or to push past no.

Why I chose not to have children

Rhonda explores the grief around her choice not to have children, from societal pressures, childhood trauma, and the state of the world today.

The pitfalls of making friends as a grownup

Rhonda faces some of the pitfalls of making friends as an adult and what can happen when one friend needs the company of the other more.

Stop Being a White Knight

Or, why you shouldn’t try to save the people you want to f*ck

Rope Sensei: your one-stop rope shop

Want to explore the pleasures of playing with rope? Rope Sensei has got your back.

Body image: when ‘perfection’ isn’t enough

Rhonda explores her toxic relationship with body image, attachment to self-criticism, and aversion to self-acceptance.

Filtering ourselves through rejection-coloured glasses

In Part Three of this exploration of self-image, projection, and the ego-defences, Rhonda explores how we filter our view of ourselves.

Discover more…

Rhonda Perky’s Bits

Filtering ourselves through rejection-coloured glasses

In Part Three of this exploration of self-image, projection, and the ego-defences, Rhonda explores how we filter our view of ourselves.

Unravelling jealousy

Rhonda reveals her struggle with jealousy and what it means to hold on by letting go.

The power in sex

Does sex necessarily involve power? Not just Domination and submission, but non-BDSM sex? Rhonda Perky explores questions of power and privilege inherent in sex.

Whose threesome is it anyway?

In the heat of the moment, whose threesome is it, anyway? Rhonda explores the gap between fantasy and reality.

In the heat of the moment

Negotiating safe sex should be straightforward. But when those involved fear rejection and judgement, when we associate asking for a condom with calling someone ‘dirty’, when we are socialised to defer to others, it gets complicated.

My sex life

Rhonda reflects on the role sex plays in life (or doesn’t) and the struggles many women face (re)connecting with their sex life.

Communication in conflict

Can your communication style during conflict really make a difference?

The Magic Number

Is there such a thing as the ‘right’ number of partners?

Not my circus, not my monkeys

Rhonda reflects on the many ways she has taken on responsibility that never belonged to her.

Memory — The Self as an Unreliable Narrator

In Part Two of this exploration of self-image, projection, and the ego-defences, Rhonda explores the unreliability of memory.

A personal journey through friendship, love, lust, and everything in between. Rhonda shares her reflections, shifting perspectives and experiences navigating the interpersonal.

Ask Rhonda

I’m into BDSM but my wife of 40 years is totally vanilla

Rhonda helps a kinky reader grapple with his vanilla relationship.

How can I trust after a betrayal?

Rhonda helps a Mistress learn to trust after a betrayal.

Cuckold fantasies: My lover likes the idea of me with other men

‘My emotional brain says he doesn’t care enough to want me to himself. Are we doomed to remain fuck-buddies?’

Is watching S&M internet pornography harmful?

Rhonda Perky answers your question: Do you think watching S&M pornography is harmful?

I’m in love with someone in an open relationship, what should I do?

Is it worth pursuing love when your lover is in an open relationship with someone else?

I want to open my relationship—is this a cause for disaster?

Rhonda answers your question: I want to open my relationship — is this a cause for disaster?

Addicted to social media: in search of a meaningful connection

My life revolves around social media, I seek attention there all the time. I got on twitter to seek friends, a connection, but twitter relationships are temporary.

More than friends: is it worth the risk?

Rhonda helps a Clueless Canadian decide whether it is worth risking friendship to pursue a short-term non-monogamous relationship.

My fiancé struggles to find partners in our open relationship

‘I don’t want to cheat but I can’t control myself. What should I do?’

What is the difference between BDSM, D/s and S&M?

Rhonda answers the question: What is the difference between BDSM, D/s and S&M?

Rhonda Perky answers your questions on sex, sexuality, relationships and little bits of life.

Editorial

Sacred sexuality: sex-negativity in spiritual clothing?

When I think of sacred sexuality (or Tantra), it sets off my bullshit meter. I picture caftans and communes, or people publicly displaying a kind of seventies big-bush sexuality that feels particularly unsexy to me. Is this sex-negativity in spirituality’s clothing? Or is something else going on?

Sex addiction: another form of slut shaming?

Sex ‘addiction’ has become a label we slap on anyone we perceive as having a higher than ‘normal’ sex drive (whatever that is) or whose behaviour sits outside social norms (whatever those are). Is this just another form of slut-shaming?

Body image: when ‘perfection’ isn’t enough

Rhonda explores her toxic relationship with body image, attachment to self-criticism, and aversion to self-acceptance.

Strike Up A Chat

Rhonda chats to Natalie Swedosh about her Strike Up A Chat social interaction initiative that helps women and men reconnect in person.

The Creepy Line: Do Not Cross

Rhonda explores why it’s socially acceptable for women to flirt and compliment, but not straight men.

When ‘no’ falls on deaf ears — sex offenders and the criminal justice system

Sexual violence and acts of sexual coercion are commonplace, yet many of these crimes go unreported, never make it to court, or get thrown out once they do. We take a closer look at why.

Misguided protectiveness, slut-shaming or internalised paternalism?

Rhonda Perky examines how everyday paternalism shifts accountability, and asks: ‘What makes us uncomfortable? Whose behaviour is really the problem? Where does the accountability lie?’

Why is it only legitimate when we take away the sex?

Sex can be functional and legitimate or it can be sexy and pleasurable, but never both…

If you don’t know, the answer is “no”

‘What if a girl says yes, then changes her mind?’ Rhonda provides some clarity on why the only yes is a sober and enthusiastic one.

‘…to the exclusion of all others’

What monogamy really asks of our long-term partners and ourselves.

We share opinions, observations, reflections and insights on current issues facing our society.

All things kink

Rope Sensei: your one-stop rope shop

Want to explore the pleasures of playing with rope? Rope Sensei has got your back.

Baby Voodoo: When kink meets art meets fashion

Melbourne-based artist and designer Baby Voodoo shares her love of all things naughty and nice with Perks Magazine.

Choke Me, Spit On Me, I’m a Feminist — Part One

Clarissa-Jan Lim explores the history of feminism and its views on BDSM.

Why I am a Masochist

‘How I became aware of my masochism.’ Erotic novelist David (Pinke Grapefruit) explores what being a masochist means to him.

BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

What you need to know to start out in the world of BDSM.

How do I introduce a kink to my partner?

Rhonda helps a kinky lover introduce a new kink to their repertoire.

What is the difference between BDSM, D/s and S&M?

Rhonda answers the question: What is the difference between BDSM, D/s and S&M?

Review: Sex with Shakespeare

We review Jillian Keenan’s memoir on Shakespeare, love, and spanking: a story not just for kinksters and fetishists, but for everyone.

My journey inside a BDSM club

Ever wondered what happens inside a BDSM and fetish club? I donned a black mini dress, fishnets, CFM boots and my voyeur’s cap to find out.

Choke Me, Spit On Me, I’m a Feminist — Part Two

Clarissa-Jan Lim shares the story of a self-proclaimed feminist BDSM couple Ian Locklear and Nicole Lavoie and the ways they reconcile their feminist views with their D/s lifestyle…

We explore kink, fetishes, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadomasochism), paraphilias and more.

Porn positive

Porn rots your brain

…and other sex negative ‘phallacies’. Just how bad is porn, anyway?

Meet Madison Missina — porn star and escort

In Part One, Madison Missina opens up about her life in the sex industry.

Why straight women watch gay porn

Lori reflects on why some straight women prefer watching gay porn.

Conflicting desires: when arousal is disturbing

Objectifying images may be less comfortable and more confronting to watch, but they can evoke a more direct physical response. But what if there is an emotional cost of continually engaging in this kind of ‘disturbing arousal’?

Safe Sex is Sexy

Porn performer and escort Madison Missina talks to Perks about the Safe Sex is Sexy social awareness campaign.

Madison Missina — on porn

In Part Two, Madison Missina talks about her experiences behind the scenes on a porn set.

Madison Missina — on sexual health and personal safety

In Part Three, porn star and escort Madison Missina talks sexual health and personal safety in the sex industry.

We go behind the scenes of the porn world and question some of the popular misconceptions about the impact of porn.

Relationships

A square peg in a round hole

Rhonda struggles to define what ‘relationship’ might mean while still exploring her sexuality.

Married Sex – A fairytale in three parts

Rhonda reflects on the rise and fall of desire in a long term relationship.

Why cheaters lie to both partners

Has someone in a relationship tried to hit on you for sexy chats, sexting or more? In the process, have they spun you a story about how unhappy they are in their current relationship? Ever wondered why?

The Magic Number

Is there such a thing as the ‘right’ number of partners?

Communication in conflict

Can your communication style during conflict really make a difference?

The friendship destroyer

Rhonda learns a lesson in why some friendships are best left behind.

Starting Over: ‘One day my prince will come’

At 39, single mother Pacsac reflects on dating, her ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and starting over.

Why I struggle to give unbiased relationship advice

Rhonda reflects on how her experiences have shaped her view of relationships.

The space equation

Negotiating time with — and without — your partner.

One plus one equals three?

Lady Chatterley shares her non-monogamous memoir.

We examine all kinds of relationships: long-term, short-term, monogamous, non-monogamous, exploring communication, boundaries, friendships and more.

Sex

When someone you know has vaginismus

If someone you loved told you they had vaginismus, would you know what they were referring to or how to respond? Sarah Rowe has prepared this guide for partners, friends and family.

The Magic Number

Is there such a thing as the ‘right’ number of partners?

My hate-hate relationship with sex toys

Rhonda reflects on her troubled relationship with sex toys.

Married Sex – A fairytale in three parts

Rhonda reflects on the rise and fall of desire in a long term relationship.

Sacred sexuality: sex-negativity in spiritual clothing?

When I think of sacred sexuality (or Tantra), it sets off my bullshit meter. I picture caftans and communes, or people publicly displaying a kind of seventies big-bush sexuality that feels particularly unsexy to me. Is this sex-negativity in spirituality’s clothing? Or is something else going on?

A Beginner’s Guide to Dating a Transgendered Person

What you need to know about dating a transgendered person.

Safe Sex is Sexy

Porn performer and escort Madison Missina talks to Perks about the Safe Sex is Sexy social awareness campaign.

Tantra: get ready to try this at home

‘Why do to your man what he can do to himself?’ This week I ventured into the erotic world of Tantric massage.

On consent: pushing past ‘no’ isn’t a victory

Rhonda explores the nuances of consent and what happens when we are socialised to defer to the needs of others or to push past no.

Couple swapping: negotiating boundaries

Group sex might resemble porn, but if you’re not careful, a fantasy can turn into a nightmare.

We bring you reflections on casual sex, sex in long-term relationships, sex in open and closed relationships, swinging, desire and libido, talking sex and addressing sex-negativity.

Sexuality

A square peg in a round hole

Rhonda struggles to define what ‘relationship’ might mean while still exploring her sexuality.

The Creepy Line: Do Not Cross

Rhonda explores why it’s socially acceptable for women to flirt and compliment, but not straight men.

A Beginner’s Guide to Dating a Transgendered Person

What you need to know about dating a transgendered person.

My dirty little secret

Rhonda explores her journey coming out as bisexual.

We explore sexual orientation, identity, fluidity, gender, the personal and political in modern sexuality.

Single life

Breaking up is hard to do

Mistress Heather shares her heartbreak over having to leave her hometown.

Perky Commandments

Rhonda’s commandments for love, lust and life.

Dating dishonesty: why our social scripts are doing us damage

Unless we make room for open and honest communication early on, we can only end up with a host of dissatisfied people, constantly seeking one thing, but finding another.

Casual sex: doing it without doing dinner

Rhonda offers her advice on negotiating casual sex.

A square peg in a round hole

Rhonda struggles to define what ‘relationship’ might mean while still exploring her sexuality.

A Beginner’s Guide to Dating a Transgendered Person

What you need to know about dating a transgendered person.

The ‘Perfect’ Relationship

Rhonda reflects on what makes the ‘perfect’ relationship.

My hate-hate relationship with sex toys

Rhonda reflects on her troubled relationship with sex toys.

The Magic Number

Is there such a thing as the ‘right’ number of partners?

A Unicorn’s Survival Guide

Rhonda reflects on surviving as a unicorn in the Swinger’s Scene.

The trials, tribulations and jubilations of being single. From surviving loneliness and the social pressure to be coupled-up, to finding yourself after a relationship and getting what you need out of dating and play partners.

Reviews

Tantra: get ready to try this at home

‘Why do to your man what he can do to himself?’ This week I ventured into the erotic world of Tantric massage.

Review: Sex with Shakespeare

We review Jillian Keenan’s memoir on Shakespeare, love, and spanking: a story not just for kinksters and fetishists, but for everyone.

Passionfruit: A sex shop with a difference

Think if you’ve seen one sex shop you’ve seen them all? Look again. Michelle Temminghoff talks about what makes Passionfruit The Sensuality Shop in Melbourne, Australia, more than just an adult store.

Rope Sensei: your one-stop rope shop

Want to explore the pleasures of playing with rope? Rope Sensei has got your back.

Baby Voodoo: When kink meets art meets fashion

Melbourne-based artist and designer Baby Voodoo shares her love of all things naughty and nice with Perks Magazine.

In conversation with sex coach Liv Bryant

Ever wondered what it’s like being a sex coach? I chat to sex coach Liv Bryant of Tell Me Darling to find out.

‘Bunnies Unbound’ — unravelling preconceptions about rope

Through Bunnies Unbound, Kat Johnston hopes to break through some of the preconceptions people have about rope-based bondage, the people who practice it, and kink more broadly.

Sex toys: dos and don’ts

Thinking of buying a sex toy? Victoria from Passionfruit The Sensuality Shop talks sex toys, the sex toy industry, and how to find the right fit for you.

Tennille Melcher: Art + Sensuality = Empowerment

Tennessee-based Boudoir/Intimate photographer and blogger Tennille Melcher shares her passion for empowering others.

My journey inside a BDSM club

Ever wondered what happens inside a BDSM and fetish club? I donned a black mini dress, fishnets, CFM boots and my voyeur’s cap to find out.

We review books, films, events, venues, toys and more. Have something you want us to review? Get in contact.

Note: our reviews offer an honest representation of the user experience.

Your stories

Blurred Lines – what is cheating to you?

Within non-monogamy, what does cheating mean anyway? Tessa shares her story.

Choke Me, Spit On Me, I’m a Feminist — Part Two

Clarissa-Jan Lim shares the story of a self-proclaimed feminist BDSM couple Ian Locklear and Nicole Lavoie and the ways they reconcile their feminist views with their D/s lifestyle…

Why I am a Masochist

‘How I became aware of my masochism.’ Erotic novelist David (Pinke Grapefruit) explores what being a masochist means to him.

Starting Over: ‘One day my prince will come’

At 39, single mother Pacsac reflects on dating, her ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and starting over.

Choke Me, Spit On Me, I’m a Feminist — Part Three

Meet Melissa K.: Feminist and Submissive who has had to resolve the conflict between her rape fantasies and her strongly feminist ideals.

Breaking up is hard to do

Mistress Heather shares her heartbreak over having to leave her hometown.

One plus one equals three?

Lady Chatterley shares her non-monogamous memoir.

My brush with HPV

One reader describes her brush with the Human Papillomavirus (HPV).

We share your stories about love, life, relationships and more.

Have a story you’d like to share? Get in contact.

Perky Leigh

5 Reasons Listicles Should Be Abolished

You won’t believe what happens when you read this click-bait article!

69 ways to balance cats on your breasts

Carl Skase offers you the listicle to end all listicles: 69 ways to balance cats on your breasts. Or, a tribute to what the internet does best!

Hummers: first sign of marriage breakdown

Researchers have now shown that Hummers are one of the first real signs of marriage breakdown. Couples who use a Hummer as part of their wedding ceremonies will have an 87% chance of divorce within the first 6 months of marriage.

Worst Places to Have Sex

Carl Skase contemplates some of the worst places you can have sex.

Carl Skase, a.k.a. Perky Leigh, shares his tongue-in-cheek views of sex, life and relationships